Day 19- "Please mark the appropriate box"

I thought I would be celebrating getting into the single digits of this cleanse. But today, I realized (or it jumped up and slapped me in the face) that I am a statistic. I wanted to treat myself since I have been religiously following this cleanse, losing weight and feeling great. So, as I was driving home yesterday, I noticed a new spa opened by my house in Snellville. Hey! I will go get a 30 minute massage! This week has been a killer at work and my neck and shoulders were tiii- ight! So I called and got an appointment for after work today. I was so excited! So I walk in and everyone was very pleasant. "Ma'am, (I hate it when they call me Ma'am- geez, I'm not 60! I know...I know...I'm in The South, but dude, that's what I called my Grandma- oh wait, I am a grandma! Shit. I guess they can call me this...) back to the story: "Ma'am, I need you to fill out some paperwork since this is your first time here." No problemo. I can do that. So I am filling out the "standard" form and then BAM! Right there, for the first time, I had to check a box I have never checked before. The font started to look bigger to me. Please check the following boxes if you or any of your family members have the following chronic disease(s): Wow. This hit me like a ton of bricks. The color ran out of my face. And there it was- ready for me to check the box: Lupus. Welp, better get used to it. I have a dermatologist appt. on Tuesday so I am sure it's on their paperwork too- or better yet, they will have to ask me, "Ma'am, (there's that Ma'am B.S. again)"is there anything that has changed with your medical history?" Great. So, back to my Spa Day. So I checked the Lupus box along with my gall bladder surgery and the infamous surgery of 1989: my tumor and sternum removal (I can talk more about that surgery in future blogs- it's a doozie and a life changer too). So I signed my HIPAA form, and gave all the paperwork to the receptionist. Ok, no big deal. I cleared that hurdle. So I am checking my FB on my blackberry in the waiting room and Fred calls me asking where I keep the electric knife- are you kidding me? I am doing a Spa afternoon and you want to know where the frickin electric knife is? He's cutting some turkey for dinner- ok- I will let this one go. This is great because across the waiting room is a burly harley dude and he's now intrigued by my phone conversation so I make it interesting for him, "it's by the saran wrap and the aluminum foil, right next to the dog treats and my protein shakes". Harley dude looked away. I knew he wasn't domestic. :) But what happens next is what ruffles my feathers. My massage gal grabs my paperwork from the receptionist. She is looking through my paperwork, AND THEN, has the nerve to uncomfortably LOOK AT ME, back at the paperwork, and then walks into an office where a Doctor is and shuts a door that says PRIVATE! WTF???? What is going on? What was on that paperwork that made her look at me in a way that if she gave me a massage that I was going to secrete lupus juice all over her? What were they talking about behind closed doors? Ok, so maybe I was a little paranoid. But come on! Don't do that in front of a insecure patient that just had to mark the "lupus box" for the first time. So after what seemed like 10 minutes (but it was only 2), she came back out, smiled and said, OK, I'm ready. Ok-- great. But...the Melissa that you all know and love wasn't going to let her get the best of me- hell-to-the-no! (remember...I'm a competitor). So...(you are all going to love this- because see, I have been plotting my next move since they went into their "private gossip room") my massage lady, comes over to greet me and says, "Hi, I am Kristen and I will be giving you a massage today." Here it comes- so I say, with a straight face, "Hi my name is Melissa, but my friends call me Malupus." Ha Bitch! Bazinga! Oh how I would have loved to have my camera with me to see the look on her face as well as the receptionist. Now, this is true two-fold: yes, I said that, and yes that's a nickname my good friend Cindi gave me. She gave that too me when I first found out I had lupus. I was down and out and we have this relationship that humor has to be a part of everything. And that's how I cope sometimes as well. She coined it and has called me that ever since- along with Malupusalopagus. Love it! Well, my massage therapist, gave an uncomfortable smile and we went into the room. Now, she was either going to rub the hell out of my back and kill me by popping some muscle or it was going to be the best neck and shoulder massage I have ever got. I got the latter. Then I started to feel guilty, but not for long. I never let on that I was curious as to her discussion behind the "private" door. My session ended, I paid and even gave her a tip. You know why? Because she made me that much stronger today because I had to "check that box", plus I felt a little on the defensive side about my disease. (Hell, maybe they were talking about my weight or what insurance I have and not the lupus)- either way, I came out on top and I'm moving on. (I also made an appointment for next month.) LOL. Happy Friday and have a drink for me! 9 more days! 9 more days! Tchau! (Good-bye in Portuguese)