Wow. Eating healthy has sure made me regular. (How's that for an opening sentence?) Yep, back to the blogging this week. See, I told you crazy crap happens to me ALL THE TIME! Take for example this morning's commute to work. Yep, was running a little late today. I was debating on which ensemble to wear to work today: my new dress that I ordered that came via my hot UPS man. (I think I ordered a dress online just so he could deliver it to my front door) or a cute skirt with my hot coral open toed shoes. (This is also what I get for being a HUGE Rachel Zoe fan- style fashionista for the stars). I wanted to wear my new dress SO BAD, but it's cut a little high up on the thigh for everyday wear to CDC, so I went with option #2. I have to admit, I had a good hair day going, jewelry to match and I was ready to take on the day!! So I packed my healthy lunch, snacks and my new Met Rx vanilla shake with fresh blueberries blended into it. (yum!). Oh man, I have got to get on the road! So I hop in the Beemer and away I go. Of course I have the radio tuned into hubby's radio station (106.7) and my favorite traffic guy Greg Talmage, was doing his traffic report. Shit balls. Hwy 78- big accident and there's a back up. Great. Why the hell is it always when you are running late that traffic always bends you over the table? So, thank goodness, I do have a backup road plan that can get me to work, but it's a little out of the way. So I head down my new course to work and I look at the clock. Crap. 6:45am. How am I going to make it by 7:00- but also, something else hits me- Uh oh. My "daily routine of #2" is usually right around 7:15- and I mean like clock work. And sure enough- about 7:05, while I am still on the road, I start to get my "hey lady, are you headin to the john anytime soon cramps". Holy crap mother balls! What am I going to do? Well, I am already late. So, now comes the hard part- where the hell am I going to pull off to drop a load? Well, I come over a hill and I have never been happy to see the Golden Arches. Whoo hoo! I start to do the poopie dance in my car seat. Woah Missy, don't jiggle too much or your are gonna ruin your cute outfit. So I fly into the parking lot and then you know when ya gotta go and you do that little fast shuffle for fear you may shit right there in the parking lot? Yep, that was me. I shuffle my way into the ladies room and take care of business. BUT THEN, you are faced with the walk of shame: (you know what I am talking about here...) do you sprint back to your car not making any eye contact with Mickie D's employees, or are you guilted into buying something? (You know, does anyone know what the correct etiquette is here?) Well, I didn't have time to ask anyone (plus I ran so fast from my car, I didn't even bring my purse in) so I ran back to my car, and jetted out of that parking lot. My goodness, I didn't even flinch to buy a McGriddle or a coffee. I didn't even notice any of the yummy McDonalds smells. (I am a HUGE fan of their fries...but when will I ever see my slender fried potato friends again?). I made it to work 20 minutes late, but with an empty intestine. I dodged another bullet and my day could finally begin. :)
I am sure you will get more from me this weekend- my mom and nephew are flying in from Kansas, so I am POSITIVE there will be stories to blog about. Plus, my stepson and wife with our 2 grand kiddos are coming up from Columbus, GA. tomorrow to swim and hang out with us as well. Looking forward to good times, but also good blogging material. :) Ciao!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
And the fun begins....
God I hate running. Especially when you haven't done this for a few months- ok, years. But, this is Phase II, right? Well, right out of the shoot, I did not make my 5:30 workout wake-up call. I just need to be honest with myself. I hate mornings! I could make sleeping an Olympic sport. I just love, love, love to "zzzzzzzzzzzz". So, I had to have a heart to heart with myself and just commit to working out when I get home everyday from now on. No, sitting down. Just put the work bag in the office, feed and play with the puppies for a little bit, and then go change into workout clothes. It's that simple right? So, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday is cardio (jogging/powerwalking) for 20 minutes. Baby steps, right? Then on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, weights. Eee gads.
So, the first cardio day is in the books. I put some "fun between my legs" and got it goin on. I put Fredly's station on the ipod and off I went up and down the hills around da Hood. I'm bringing sexy back (in a couple months)- LOL. Don't I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck and being a smart ass? :) As soon as I finished (red faced and all), I stripped down, put on my swimsuit and I went straight to the pool. Now that's what I call a cool down. It felt so good. I am going to eventually move from the pavement to the pool for my cardio workouts. I've got a great stationary swim tool that kicks ass! I also found out that Morgan cannot be left alone for 20 frickin minutes. The little poop head chewed the carpet, once again. Sigh. So the little one will be crated during mom's workout time. (I will take all three of them for walks when it's cooler in the evenings.)
So, that's all from the cardio end. I did find out that I think that organic Greek yogurt may not be in the cards for me. Got a little tummy grumbling this afternoon and I don't mean that I was hungry. Oh well, I never really liked yogurt anyway. Will just have to find another protein snack to munch on.
Jesus said, "Go and do likewise," so I am going to do that to with my blogging. (that's what Google said anyway) We will see if I have a funny post in me every day or not. If I don't, then I won't post. So I will continue to post blogs via FB (when I think they are ready for the world), so keep an eye out for a post from ol' Mel.
Until the next post....Malupus- out! :)
So, the first cardio day is in the books. I put some "fun between my legs" and got it goin on. I put Fredly's station on the ipod and off I went up and down the hills around da Hood. I'm bringing sexy back (in a couple months)- LOL. Don't I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck and being a smart ass? :) As soon as I finished (red faced and all), I stripped down, put on my swimsuit and I went straight to the pool. Now that's what I call a cool down. It felt so good. I am going to eventually move from the pavement to the pool for my cardio workouts. I've got a great stationary swim tool that kicks ass! I also found out that Morgan cannot be left alone for 20 frickin minutes. The little poop head chewed the carpet, once again. Sigh. So the little one will be crated during mom's workout time. (I will take all three of them for walks when it's cooler in the evenings.)
So, that's all from the cardio end. I did find out that I think that organic Greek yogurt may not be in the cards for me. Got a little tummy grumbling this afternoon and I don't mean that I was hungry. Oh well, I never really liked yogurt anyway. Will just have to find another protein snack to munch on.
Jesus said, "Go and do likewise," so I am going to do that to with my blogging. (that's what Google said anyway) We will see if I have a funny post in me every day or not. If I don't, then I won't post. So I will continue to post blogs via FB (when I think they are ready for the world), so keep an eye out for a post from ol' Mel.
Until the next post....Malupus- out! :)
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Day 28- One chapter closes, another begins
Pre-Cleanse
Post-CleanseWell folks, my 28 days have come to a conclusion. You all have been through the good, the bad and the ugly. I can't thank you enough for all the support and well wishes. You are all amazing and I could not have done this without each and every one of you. But, I am not good with good-bye's (like what I do to close out each of my daily blogs- that's why I kinda make it a running joke), so you are all stuck with me as I start Phase II tomorrow. Holy crap! Can't I have a day off? LOL
Well, I celebrated my successful 28 day cleanse by buying a cute dress at EchoDesign, a food processor and a new "do rag" for my Harley excursions. What a combo, eh? I decided not to go out and "eat til I puked". I want to keep this good ride goin. I also celebrated today by giving back. Fred and I rode in Dierks Bentley's Children's Miracle Network Charity Harley Ride. What a great day! It was a very emotional, hot (it was 90) and tiring day. I found strength in the kiddos that spoke at the Harley Dealership that have benefited from the Children's Miracle Network. Oh the stories! It made think about a Lupus Ride. I think that the Atlanta Chapter does a ride in the Fall, but if not, I am going to talk to folks (in my Harley "brothas and sistas" community) and see if we can get one going.
So we did the ride and man, I had goosebumps and almost teared up. There were almost 300 bikes and we had a police escort (which was SO COOL) from Killer Creek Harley to Lake Lanier. It was a 30 mile ride and let me tell you- my ass hurt and I had some sweat in places I never knew could sweat after that ride. But it was so worth it. The hard part was getting back on my bike to ride home- which was another 30+ miles. We made it home and I immediately stripped down, put on my bathing suit and jumped in the pool. I think I had a little heat stroke. I forgot that I can't be out in the sun like I used to. Not good for the Lupus. But, I am recovering, and gearing up for tomorrow- minus a cleanse shake. What the hell am I going to do? I have a couple of scoops left- it's like a drug you can't get off of. But, I am going to venture out and have a healthy fruit protein shake to accommodate my day #1 of cardio. My goal is to get up at 5:30 (I am NOT a morning person...will see how this goes) and do a few laps around the neighborhood. Then, I plan on doing my healthy eating, just like I have done for the past 28 days. I will then alternate days of cardio with strength training. Then, one day a week, I am going to treat myself to a "cheat" day- where I can eat what I want and no exercise. This is the "Body for Life" plan (I have both books-I can lend to anyone interested). We will see how it goes. I will also continue to do monthly body scans to see my progress. Also, some of you have asked the name of my cleanse: The product is XYMOGEN and it's called the "OptiCleanse GHI"- which helps with gastro, autoimmune disorders (like my lupus), glycemic balance and all kinds of other stuff. It's usually under Doctor supervision, so if any of you all are interested, shoot me a message on FB or email and I can give you more information. I can tell you this: it has put me back on a healthy track!
I can't make a decision if I am going to blog daily or not. I just can't decide. You know me, it may not be about Phase II and I still have crazy shit happen to me. So let me know if you want a daily blog post from me or not. I am also going to change the title of my blog. I think I am going to have a contest. Shoot me any ideas you may have as to the title of my blog. I will keep the same URL, just change the title. Heck, maybe I will come up with a PRIZE to the winning submission. I will even pay shipping costs- :)
So with that, Fred has cracked open a bottle of champagne in the kitchen and I am going to have ONE DRINK to toast a successful cleanse and a new journey into Phase II. (Moderation, right?) :)
Looking forward to you all continuing to follow my quest to a happy, and healthier Mel!
No good-bye to close out this entry- just a quote: Don't be dissmayed at good-byes- a farewell is necessary so you can meet again. And meeting again, either after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those that are friends. ~ Richard Bach
Also, since you all have been so supportive, I am also posting my Pre-Cleanse and Post-Cleanse photos for you. I don't know if I am too trusting or just plain stupid.
Hugs!
Malupus ;)
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Day 27- 11 lbs. of Fat GONE!
So I had a couple of my blog followers send me messages wondering if I did my body scan as scheduled yesterday or not. Well, I was venting so much yesterday, that I didn't want to turn my blog into a novel so I decided to wait and share my good news with everyone today. (by the way...folks really are reading my blog- this is awesome!!) :)
In the midst of my panic yesterday, I called Dr. Dave and told him my potential scenario that I may have shingles and that it may not be a good day to do my body scan. (see, I set him up to say "come on in!)- and alas, he did say, "it doesn't matter if you have shingles or not- we can still do your body scan if you want." Love Dr. Dave! So I boogied on down to his office and hooked myself up to his magical B.A. machine. (I think it stands for bad ass-- you know, come to think of it, I don't even know what B.A. stands for. The only BA I know is Mr. T from the A-Team) :)
I also had to weigh myself- oh yeah baby! Down 12 1/2 pounds. Whoo to the hoo! Then, the moment of truth: Of the 12 1/2 pounds that I lost, 11 pounds of it was FAT! Yes, F-A-frickin-T! Hot damn! I was stoked!!! Also, my BMI decreased and I increased my healthy cells as well (as a bunch of other scientific lingo mingo that I wont' bore you with- it's because I don't know what the hell some if it means). LOL What a treat! So, we talked next steps... moving on to incorporating back in some foods that I haven't been able to eat in 28 days (strawberries, lemons, beef, pork, dairy)- but I don't know to what extent I am going to do this. I feel so good, that I am afraid to put some foods back into my system. But, like Dr. Dave said, "gradually try one food at a time. If you feel sick or bloated, you probably know that that food probably won't be on your menu items of choice." That's kinda scary. There may be some foods that I may never eat again (or on a very minimal basis). But...ya know, my health is more important. I feel great, I am ready to lose more weight. I am off my predinsone since being on the cleanse, so that is one less lupus medication that I need to take (yay). Also, moderate exercise also is the next step. (hence, the reason to continue on with my blog after the cleanse)- because I am sure I will have some stories!!
So for my followers, one more day of the cleanse blog and I will reveal what my next steps will be with my blog, etc.
Thanks again to everyone for you kind words of support or just telling my mom you are enjoying reading my blog. The goal was for me to stay true through this cleanse, but also for my readers to smile, cry and take a step back and be thankful. We are all very special folks!!!
Until tomorrow... elalleqa! (Good-bye in Arabic)
In the midst of my panic yesterday, I called Dr. Dave and told him my potential scenario that I may have shingles and that it may not be a good day to do my body scan. (see, I set him up to say "come on in!)- and alas, he did say, "it doesn't matter if you have shingles or not- we can still do your body scan if you want." Love Dr. Dave! So I boogied on down to his office and hooked myself up to his magical B.A. machine. (I think it stands for bad ass-- you know, come to think of it, I don't even know what B.A. stands for. The only BA I know is Mr. T from the A-Team) :)
I also had to weigh myself- oh yeah baby! Down 12 1/2 pounds. Whoo to the hoo! Then, the moment of truth: Of the 12 1/2 pounds that I lost, 11 pounds of it was FAT! Yes, F-A-frickin-T! Hot damn! I was stoked!!! Also, my BMI decreased and I increased my healthy cells as well (as a bunch of other scientific lingo mingo that I wont' bore you with- it's because I don't know what the hell some if it means). LOL What a treat! So, we talked next steps... moving on to incorporating back in some foods that I haven't been able to eat in 28 days (strawberries, lemons, beef, pork, dairy)- but I don't know to what extent I am going to do this. I feel so good, that I am afraid to put some foods back into my system. But, like Dr. Dave said, "gradually try one food at a time. If you feel sick or bloated, you probably know that that food probably won't be on your menu items of choice." That's kinda scary. There may be some foods that I may never eat again (or on a very minimal basis). But...ya know, my health is more important. I feel great, I am ready to lose more weight. I am off my predinsone since being on the cleanse, so that is one less lupus medication that I need to take (yay). Also, moderate exercise also is the next step. (hence, the reason to continue on with my blog after the cleanse)- because I am sure I will have some stories!!
So for my followers, one more day of the cleanse blog and I will reveal what my next steps will be with my blog, etc.
Thanks again to everyone for you kind words of support or just telling my mom you are enjoying reading my blog. The goal was for me to stay true through this cleanse, but also for my readers to smile, cry and take a step back and be thankful. We are all very special folks!!!
Until tomorrow... elalleqa! (Good-bye in Arabic)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Day 26- I'm a Roofer
You know why I'm a roofer? Because I have SHINGLES! hahahahahaha! That's a joke compliments of my smart ass husband Fredly. When he was leaving to go to the radio station this afternoon, he gave me a kiss good-bye and said, "I'm sure glad I'm married to a roofer." What? Yeah, you know the punchline. I fell for it hook line and sinker. But, he knew I was on the verge of hysteria, so I needed a good laugh between tears. (that's why I love him!) Now, I don't want you all to think I'm some titty baby. I'm not. I also start to cry when I am really mad- and that really pisses me off that I cry when I am all fired up. Do any of you do that? Can you feel for me? Well, I had "mad as hell" tears this am and I about ripped the inner garage door off its hinges this AM. Here's why:
I am retracting my statement from yesterday's blog that my rhumotologist is kick ass. She's still OK (actually she's a great Doc), but not kick ass- not today. Remember from yesterday that I was to go to her office first thing in the AM? Well, I did. Sat in the waiting room for almost an hour and then, THEN AFTER AN HOUR, the receptionist calls me up to say "Dr. XXX needs you to make an appointment. She can't squeeze you in this morning. I have a 2:45 this afternoon." WHAT???? Man, if they took my blood pressure right then and there, I would have been off the charts- WTF? Shit, I could have called from home this morning and made an appointment- and stayed in my jammies. I think that's what pissed me off more- I cleaned up to get in there at 9:00am. Ahhhhh! Ok, so I gave the receptionist a stare down and said very stern, "FINE. I'll take it." Well, she knew she had me by the balls, and I hate that. What was I going to say? "Oh, let's look at next week and let whatever is growing on my ass keep growing." Grrrr...so I storm out of the Dr.'s office and drive home just steaming. I had to shut my sun roof and turn on the air I was so mad. So, I go home, pull in the garage, walk into the mud room and SLAM the door! "Jesus, do you have to slam the door?", I hear from someones upstairs office. Well yes, I did. Because you know why? I tried to call Fred at home from my car to vent about my "situation" and he wouldn't pick up the phone. He was on the line chatting with someone- DOESN'T HE KNOW THAT WHEN I CALL, YOU PICK UP? There is a reason we have call-waiting. It's so I don't have to wait. (sorry, I had a little princess moment this morning). And bless Fred's heart, he knows I have been through the ringer this week. He just kept talking to me from upstairs and wouldn't come down to talk to me. I don't blame him. I probably would have ripped his head off and he didn't deserve that. So, once he knew I had cooled down, he tip toed down stairs. Well, it was the calm before the storm. I lost it. Not on him. Just venting about Doctor and how I was treated....yada yada yada- hence the mad tears. They came out flowing like I needed a rain barrel to catch em. He was mad too. And believe me, you do not want an Italian Ex-Marine pissed off. He coulda snapped that little receptionist in two. So best that he went to work while I made my SECOND visit back to see my Doc- at 2:45. Hmmm, I got in right at 2:45 and didn't have to wait. Sure enough, it was shingles. Well shit, I could have shook the Magic 8 ball and told her that. Just give me a frickin prescription so I can go home. But..I did take liberty to tell her how I felt and didn't appreciate her telling me to come in to her office to then have to turn around, go home and come back. Thank goodness we aren't far from the Dr.'s office. She did apologize to me, but treaded lightly- she knew I had that "look" and one smart ass or incorrect statement out of her and I was going Jerry Springer on her ass.
Any whoo, gotta go run and pick up my new medication. Dang, I am a walking pharmacy right now. Do you all need anything? Codine? Flexeril? Allegra? Yaz? (hahaha) Speaking of Yaz, I will leave you with my favorite SNL clip: http://www.hulu.com/watch/10234/saturday-night-live-annuale This is me some days, especially today. LOL. Enjoy! 2 days to go! 2 days to go! Selemat tinggal (Good-bye in Malay)
I am retracting my statement from yesterday's blog that my rhumotologist is kick ass. She's still OK (actually she's a great Doc), but not kick ass- not today. Remember from yesterday that I was to go to her office first thing in the AM? Well, I did. Sat in the waiting room for almost an hour and then, THEN AFTER AN HOUR, the receptionist calls me up to say "Dr. XXX needs you to make an appointment. She can't squeeze you in this morning. I have a 2:45 this afternoon." WHAT???? Man, if they took my blood pressure right then and there, I would have been off the charts- WTF? Shit, I could have called from home this morning and made an appointment- and stayed in my jammies. I think that's what pissed me off more- I cleaned up to get in there at 9:00am. Ahhhhh! Ok, so I gave the receptionist a stare down and said very stern, "FINE. I'll take it." Well, she knew she had me by the balls, and I hate that. What was I going to say? "Oh, let's look at next week and let whatever is growing on my ass keep growing." Grrrr...so I storm out of the Dr.'s office and drive home just steaming. I had to shut my sun roof and turn on the air I was so mad. So, I go home, pull in the garage, walk into the mud room and SLAM the door! "Jesus, do you have to slam the door?", I hear from someones upstairs office. Well yes, I did. Because you know why? I tried to call Fred at home from my car to vent about my "situation" and he wouldn't pick up the phone. He was on the line chatting with someone- DOESN'T HE KNOW THAT WHEN I CALL, YOU PICK UP? There is a reason we have call-waiting. It's so I don't have to wait. (sorry, I had a little princess moment this morning). And bless Fred's heart, he knows I have been through the ringer this week. He just kept talking to me from upstairs and wouldn't come down to talk to me. I don't blame him. I probably would have ripped his head off and he didn't deserve that. So, once he knew I had cooled down, he tip toed down stairs. Well, it was the calm before the storm. I lost it. Not on him. Just venting about Doctor and how I was treated....yada yada yada- hence the mad tears. They came out flowing like I needed a rain barrel to catch em. He was mad too. And believe me, you do not want an Italian Ex-Marine pissed off. He coulda snapped that little receptionist in two. So best that he went to work while I made my SECOND visit back to see my Doc- at 2:45. Hmmm, I got in right at 2:45 and didn't have to wait. Sure enough, it was shingles. Well shit, I could have shook the Magic 8 ball and told her that. Just give me a frickin prescription so I can go home. But..I did take liberty to tell her how I felt and didn't appreciate her telling me to come in to her office to then have to turn around, go home and come back. Thank goodness we aren't far from the Dr.'s office. She did apologize to me, but treaded lightly- she knew I had that "look" and one smart ass or incorrect statement out of her and I was going Jerry Springer on her ass.
Any whoo, gotta go run and pick up my new medication. Dang, I am a walking pharmacy right now. Do you all need anything? Codine? Flexeril? Allegra? Yaz? (hahaha) Speaking of Yaz, I will leave you with my favorite SNL clip: http://www.hulu.com/watch/10234/saturday-night-live-annuale This is me some days, especially today. LOL. Enjoy! 2 days to go! 2 days to go! Selemat tinggal (Good-bye in Malay)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Day 25- Speechless
Can any thing else happen to me this week???? I am all cried out- but I got a chance to squeeze in one more series this afternoon. Yep, I may have SHINGLES folks! Are you f-in kidding me?
I can't believe this. I was all excited to write a funny blog entry this afternoon. You see, I have a rash on my upper left butt cheek area (up on my waist line--right where the bikini line hits) and I was going to write that I thought I picked up something funky trying on bathing suits at Old Navy. Nope. Shitters. Instead, you get to hear how I have been putting Benadryl on my ass since Tuesday because I thought I had a little rash. NOPE. It wasn't getting any better and when I showed it to Fredly, he said "you need to get that checked out". Note: this is Fred's typical response to anything I show him. Look at my finger: "better get it checked out"- look at how swelled my ankle is: "better get it checked out". Well shit fire, I did get it checked out at the Minute Clinic at my local CVS Pharmacy. I wasn't going to bother my G.P. with a simple rash- Ha! Simple rash my ass! (hey that kinda rhymes...ok that's as funny as I might get tonight) So, I go to CVS- my God! There was a line! Are you kidding me? Look, all I wanted to do was drop my capri pants right there in the hallway ass shining and all and say, "Doc, is it a rash? Can you prescribe me anything?" Nope, didn't get that opportunity. I was 3rd in line to see a "Minute Clinic" doctor. So, I waited and when I got in there, she introduced herself and asked me what I was there for. "Well, I have this rash on my butt," I say. Right away she reaches for her purple gloves. "Well, let's take a look."- OK, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, let's get to it. So I drop my capris and she says, "looks like herpes zoster to me." WHAT? Herpes? "Shingles," she says. OMG. Are you kidding me? Well, I did drop a "you have to be shitting me" at her. You see, I still have band aids on my face from my skin biopsies earlier in the week. Geez, I am a mess. She probably thought the same thing. Well enough of this popsicle stand. I thank her for her time, paid her a $30.00 co-pay for looking at my ass (BTW....I wonder if she noticed it was a little smaller than 25 days ago?? Probably not) and drove home sobbing. I immediately called Fred, who by the way, is on the air. He HATES it when I call and I'm crying. He is a sentimental guy and when I cry, it upsets him. And...it totally screws with his radio show. Here's a guy trying to entertain hundreds of thousands of people trying to get home in ATL rush hour traffic and I'm on hold sobbing. Well, dammit, he's my rock. I need him to tell me it's going to be OK. I also called my mom too. (I'm still a mommies girl and I just need to hear her soothing voice too). Sorry for all my other "peeps" that I called and cried to. I have just had a shitty-ass week. HOLY CRAP BALLS INFINITY! So as soon as I got home, I got on the horn to my kick ass rhumotologist doc. She called me back in less than 5 minutes. She wants to see me first thing tomorrow morning. Come to find out lupus patients, with their suppressed immune system are more susceptible to get shingles (and pneumonia) Good. But crap too. DOUBLE CRAP BALLS for that matter. Tomorrow is supposed to be a celebration day. Tomorrow is my body scan to see how much weight I have lost and all the other cool things (BMI, cholesterol, etc.) that have come off with the cleanse. Well, hold on to puttin on your party hats and tootin your horns. More news to come in tomorrow's blog. Sigh. Glad I can watch Grey's Anatomy season finale tonight. Tonight's episode will probably have a lupus patient come in with skin lesions and shingles. Balls! Ahoj- (Good-bye in Czech)
I can't believe this. I was all excited to write a funny blog entry this afternoon. You see, I have a rash on my upper left butt cheek area (up on my waist line--right where the bikini line hits) and I was going to write that I thought I picked up something funky trying on bathing suits at Old Navy. Nope. Shitters. Instead, you get to hear how I have been putting Benadryl on my ass since Tuesday because I thought I had a little rash. NOPE. It wasn't getting any better and when I showed it to Fredly, he said "you need to get that checked out". Note: this is Fred's typical response to anything I show him. Look at my finger: "better get it checked out"- look at how swelled my ankle is: "better get it checked out". Well shit fire, I did get it checked out at the Minute Clinic at my local CVS Pharmacy. I wasn't going to bother my G.P. with a simple rash- Ha! Simple rash my ass! (hey that kinda rhymes...ok that's as funny as I might get tonight) So, I go to CVS- my God! There was a line! Are you kidding me? Look, all I wanted to do was drop my capri pants right there in the hallway ass shining and all and say, "Doc, is it a rash? Can you prescribe me anything?" Nope, didn't get that opportunity. I was 3rd in line to see a "Minute Clinic" doctor. So, I waited and when I got in there, she introduced herself and asked me what I was there for. "Well, I have this rash on my butt," I say. Right away she reaches for her purple gloves. "Well, let's take a look."- OK, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, let's get to it. So I drop my capris and she says, "looks like herpes zoster to me." WHAT? Herpes? "Shingles," she says. OMG. Are you kidding me? Well, I did drop a "you have to be shitting me" at her. You see, I still have band aids on my face from my skin biopsies earlier in the week. Geez, I am a mess. She probably thought the same thing. Well enough of this popsicle stand. I thank her for her time, paid her a $30.00 co-pay for looking at my ass (BTW....I wonder if she noticed it was a little smaller than 25 days ago?? Probably not) and drove home sobbing. I immediately called Fred, who by the way, is on the air. He HATES it when I call and I'm crying. He is a sentimental guy and when I cry, it upsets him. And...it totally screws with his radio show. Here's a guy trying to entertain hundreds of thousands of people trying to get home in ATL rush hour traffic and I'm on hold sobbing. Well, dammit, he's my rock. I need him to tell me it's going to be OK. I also called my mom too. (I'm still a mommies girl and I just need to hear her soothing voice too). Sorry for all my other "peeps" that I called and cried to. I have just had a shitty-ass week. HOLY CRAP BALLS INFINITY! So as soon as I got home, I got on the horn to my kick ass rhumotologist doc. She called me back in less than 5 minutes. She wants to see me first thing tomorrow morning. Come to find out lupus patients, with their suppressed immune system are more susceptible to get shingles (and pneumonia) Good. But crap too. DOUBLE CRAP BALLS for that matter. Tomorrow is supposed to be a celebration day. Tomorrow is my body scan to see how much weight I have lost and all the other cool things (BMI, cholesterol, etc.) that have come off with the cleanse. Well, hold on to puttin on your party hats and tootin your horns. More news to come in tomorrow's blog. Sigh. Glad I can watch Grey's Anatomy season finale tonight. Tonight's episode will probably have a lupus patient come in with skin lesions and shingles. Balls! Ahoj- (Good-bye in Czech)
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day 24- Temptation
"Good habits result from resisting temptation"- Old English Proverb. Well, that's my take on temptation and I'm rollin with it. Oh man, did I have FOOD temptation today. I spoke at the CDC Birth Defects Annual Conference today. (First to answer your questions: #1- yes I wore all my band aids and #2 I did not wear a veil) LOL. So I walk in to the new swanky Marriott Conference Center in Buckhead and what do I see before my eyes? A heavenly food oasis! Oh man.... this is gonna be hard. Of course I arrived at noon (I planned it b/c I wanted to eat- I mean come on, I was their guest speaker) and they were just getting the buffet line open. Uh oh. Buffet line- I have to make my own servings- and boy did they have some yummy choices: salad with a BIG bowl of cheese next to it, plus THOUSAND ISLAND DRESSING! "Hello my thick and yummy salad friend- I have missed you! Yes, I know it's been 24 days. No, I haven't called- sorry. " Then there was a big silver buffet pan of white rice- nope, I passed on it. Then there was a familiar face- carrots, chicken and OH NO- steak! "Oh, I forgot what you look like- oooh, what's that you are wearing, a gravy coating? You smell divine." I was starting to foam at the mouth and I must have had that "look" on my face because people around me were getting scared. I only had salad, chicken and carrots on my plate. I then got a broth based cup of veggie soup. Ok, first hurdle cleared. But...as I walk to the ballroom, what catches my eye? The DESSERT TABLE! Oh my, chocolate cake, carrot cake, lemon cake. Oh my did they look scrumptious- but hey, they "ain't no wedding cake". :) Will power, please carry me on into the ballroom. Whew! I did it!! Wow, I think that was the first time, that I passed on these food items at a conference. It felt weird!! So I went on and ate my healthy lunch and then gave my presentation. But, it wasn't over yet- what comes after a presentation? A break! With snack food! My God, Birth Defects does their food up right- they had chocolate covered pretzels, jalapeno POPPERS, cheese wedges and then the kicker....ICE CREAM BARS! What is this, some kind of joke? Is this like the last step in my Cleanse journey to see if I really pass the test? Well, I did, I grabbed a bottle of water out of the soda refrigerator and got the hell out of dodge. That was like dancin with demons. I couldn't get to my car fast enough. Whew! I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Sorry my fattening, delicious, evil friends that we didn't get a chance to reconnect. Someday, maybe- in moderation. Doei! (Good-bye in Dutch)
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Day 23- Every cloud has a silver lining, right???
Can I get a "HOLY CRAP BALLS" from my homies???
What an up and down emotional day today. I almost flat out quit the cleanse today and went straight up to Rudy's biker bar and started drinking- FOR REAL! But, thanks to my friends for backing me off the cliff, I did not and got back on the happy cleanse train and had my salad, chicken, baked potato and water for dinner this evening. But I am sure your curiosity is killing you, so here's how my day went:
I woke up ready to conquer the world today! I had a cute shirt and loose pants on (I have now lost 10 pounds to date), which made me happy, happy, happy. I knew that this evening I was going to be a guest speaker at my Doctor's office (a testimonial) of why this cleanse has made me feel so good, loose weight, give me my energy and give me my healthy life back! But...of course there are things during the day that somewhat derailed my chipper mood. Work was fine, but in between work and my guest lecture series was a trip to my dermatologist. I have a spot under my eye that people think is a black eye (I tell people it is and I got into a fight at the biker bar) and it is getting bigger and little discolored. So..... while waiting for an hour in the waiting room while a dumb ass lady that was late for her appointment walked in, and then took her right in- oh man, my blood was boiling. I was ready to box that skinny redneck bitch right out of the Doctor's office. But I controlled myself. So I finally got in to my Doctor, and then the "fun" began. He began asking me my "sun habits"- of course I told some white lies like I wear 70SPF suncreen all the time and wear a hat when I am in the pool- (he could totally read me like a book and that I was a lying sack of poo). Well, there was little chit chat- he began numbing my cheek and my nose. My nose? Now, I didn't come in for that- again I had no choice, the scraping had begun. Great. So, I came in as a precaution and left a possible skin cancer statistic. I am SICK and TIRED of being a frickin statistic! So, I am all "band aided" up, I look ridiculous and then I remember- Holy Crap Balls! I have to give a testimonial tonight to people that want to change their lifestyle to a healthy lifestyle and help them with their audio immune disorder aches and pains. And I'm walking in like an injured cleanse patient. Great! And...to top it all off- I remember I have to give a keynote presentation tomorrow at the CDC Birth Defects Annual Conference downtown. OMG. I look hideous! Tears start to swell up. So I start to think to myself, not "what would Jesus do", but "what would LaToya Jackson do"? She's had so many nose jobs, she has to have some tricks up her sleeve to cover up a cut up nose- or... maybe I could wear a black veil for my presentation- better yet, call in sick! (No, I couldn't do that to my buddy Chelsea). Right then and there I hit the wall. What else can go wrong with my body this Spring? Come On- I need a break! So I go home, look at my band aids all over the right side of my face in my bathroom mirror and I ask myself my options: "take the band aids off" or "go in to my lecture and tell a joke that the cleanse had some adverse reactions to my skin"? I couldn't do that to Dr. Jane or Dr. Dave. No, I got in my car, drove to the Doctor's office and sucked it up- band aids and all. I made it through my testimonial and even answered several questions, which gets me to the silver lining title of my blog this evening. There was a women, who came to this seminar (who I will leave nameless- she made start reading my blog) :) and was very quiet and just taking it all in. She attentively listened to Dr. Dave's speech, my testimonial and then Dr. Jane's speech. She was frantically taking notes. There was another gal that was asking a lot of questions, but I was sitting by the other women. Then all of a sudden, she leaned over to me and said, "I'm ready to do this. I am tired of being in pain all the time and being overweight. I am ready to do this. " Her eyes swelled up like she was going to cry. I noticed she had a tissue in her hand. This was a tough first step I could tell, to even come to the seminar. I turned to her and touched her hand and told her, "You can do it. If I can do it, you can do it." I also told her that I was here to support her through her cleanse. I gave her my phone number and she grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug. Hell, I almost started crying. I have been there-when you think you can't overcome poor eating habits, not exercising because you are too tired and just in a funk. But I can see the light at the end of my tunnel and I think her journey to the end of her tunnel has just begun. That woman was my silver lining that I needed to "keep on truckin". 5 more days of this cleanse and part II starts. Part II? Yes, part II. Stay tuned.....
Slan! (Irish for good-bye)
What an up and down emotional day today. I almost flat out quit the cleanse today and went straight up to Rudy's biker bar and started drinking- FOR REAL! But, thanks to my friends for backing me off the cliff, I did not and got back on the happy cleanse train and had my salad, chicken, baked potato and water for dinner this evening. But I am sure your curiosity is killing you, so here's how my day went:
I woke up ready to conquer the world today! I had a cute shirt and loose pants on (I have now lost 10 pounds to date), which made me happy, happy, happy. I knew that this evening I was going to be a guest speaker at my Doctor's office (a testimonial) of why this cleanse has made me feel so good, loose weight, give me my energy and give me my healthy life back! But...of course there are things during the day that somewhat derailed my chipper mood. Work was fine, but in between work and my guest lecture series was a trip to my dermatologist. I have a spot under my eye that people think is a black eye (I tell people it is and I got into a fight at the biker bar) and it is getting bigger and little discolored. So..... while waiting for an hour in the waiting room while a dumb ass lady that was late for her appointment walked in, and then took her right in- oh man, my blood was boiling. I was ready to box that skinny redneck bitch right out of the Doctor's office. But I controlled myself. So I finally got in to my Doctor, and then the "fun" began. He began asking me my "sun habits"- of course I told some white lies like I wear 70SPF suncreen all the time and wear a hat when I am in the pool- (he could totally read me like a book and that I was a lying sack of poo). Well, there was little chit chat- he began numbing my cheek and my nose. My nose? Now, I didn't come in for that- again I had no choice, the scraping had begun. Great. So, I came in as a precaution and left a possible skin cancer statistic. I am SICK and TIRED of being a frickin statistic! So, I am all "band aided" up, I look ridiculous and then I remember- Holy Crap Balls! I have to give a testimonial tonight to people that want to change their lifestyle to a healthy lifestyle and help them with their audio immune disorder aches and pains. And I'm walking in like an injured cleanse patient. Great! And...to top it all off- I remember I have to give a keynote presentation tomorrow at the CDC Birth Defects Annual Conference downtown. OMG. I look hideous! Tears start to swell up. So I start to think to myself, not "what would Jesus do", but "what would LaToya Jackson do"? She's had so many nose jobs, she has to have some tricks up her sleeve to cover up a cut up nose- or... maybe I could wear a black veil for my presentation- better yet, call in sick! (No, I couldn't do that to my buddy Chelsea). Right then and there I hit the wall. What else can go wrong with my body this Spring? Come On- I need a break! So I go home, look at my band aids all over the right side of my face in my bathroom mirror and I ask myself my options: "take the band aids off" or "go in to my lecture and tell a joke that the cleanse had some adverse reactions to my skin"? I couldn't do that to Dr. Jane or Dr. Dave. No, I got in my car, drove to the Doctor's office and sucked it up- band aids and all. I made it through my testimonial and even answered several questions, which gets me to the silver lining title of my blog this evening. There was a women, who came to this seminar (who I will leave nameless- she made start reading my blog) :) and was very quiet and just taking it all in. She attentively listened to Dr. Dave's speech, my testimonial and then Dr. Jane's speech. She was frantically taking notes. There was another gal that was asking a lot of questions, but I was sitting by the other women. Then all of a sudden, she leaned over to me and said, "I'm ready to do this. I am tired of being in pain all the time and being overweight. I am ready to do this. " Her eyes swelled up like she was going to cry. I noticed she had a tissue in her hand. This was a tough first step I could tell, to even come to the seminar. I turned to her and touched her hand and told her, "You can do it. If I can do it, you can do it." I also told her that I was here to support her through her cleanse. I gave her my phone number and she grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug. Hell, I almost started crying. I have been there-when you think you can't overcome poor eating habits, not exercising because you are too tired and just in a funk. But I can see the light at the end of my tunnel and I think her journey to the end of her tunnel has just begun. That woman was my silver lining that I needed to "keep on truckin". 5 more days of this cleanse and part II starts. Part II? Yes, part II. Stay tuned.....
Slan! (Irish for good-bye)
Monday, May 17, 2010
Day 22- Must Love Dogs
Morgan (9 months)
Reba ( 7)
Bogey (10)Yep, they are my babies. Sometimes they are a pain in the wazoo, but I love them. Each one has such a unique personality, and believe it or not they are my sounding board when my day just isn't going well or I am tired, like today. They don't care if you are tired, angry at the ass wipes that can't drive or if I just want to lay on the couch and cry. They are there for me night and day. It's really weird. Bogey especially. It's like he knows what's on my mind. Every single day. Take for instance last weekend in my cleanse meltdown. When there was no food to be had and I was crying on the couch, who came to the rescue? Bogey. Whenever I am in tears or down and out, he comes right by my side and starts licking my face. When I was diagnosed with Lupus? Bogey- right there beside me looking at me with those eyes (see above). You gotta love the ol' guy. And he's getting up there in the puppy years. He doesn't move as fast as he used to, but you want to talk about man's best friend- that's my Bogey Bear. (the kids in the neighborhood call him "Bear" because he's soft and looks like a bear)
Then you have Reba Jean. Reba is a retired greyhound racer. She's just got a plain goofy personality. If you want to nap, she'll lay on her pillow next to the couch and nap with you. You need someone to smell your butt, she's right there with her long nose and all. She's becoming more sensitive to feelings, but really, all she wants is to nap, chase chipmunks and steal treats from the other dogs. She could care less if I have lupus or if I am on a cleanse. I need that. She makes me strong- she makes me suck it up. If she could talk, it would be, "Hey Mom, when you are done making that shake, can you hook me up with a treat from the treat bowl that's right next to the shake blender?"
Then you have Morgan. (named after Captain Morgan, mind you). He is full of puppy piss and vinegar. You want a sequel to "Marley and Me"? Then come spend a week with Morgan. He has ate our carpet, part of our hardwood floor, a pair of my designer reading glasses AND 6 pairs of my shoes. The little shit. But you know what I love about him the most? He is a snuggler. He will cuddle with you all day long. He is the perfect medication when I am tired or having a lupus flare. I just grab that little bundle of puppy and snuggle. He sleeps between Fred and Me too! The other morning, I rolled over and I saw Fred's head and Morgan right there sharing his pillow. Pathetic! :)
But as I type this blog this evening, I have Bogey at my feet, Reba peeking her head in my office door and Morgan sleeping on his puppy bed next to my desk. You want to talk therapy- I've got three good doses of a good thing- right at my feet. They have helped me through this cleanse process too. Had to give a shout out to my pups- Whoop! Whoop! "Hwyl fawr!"- (Good-bye in Welsh)
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Day 21- Wardrobe Malfunction
Frickin Old Navy and their stupid ass $10.00 swimsuit sale. I guess you get what you pay for. I wanted to "treat" myself since I have been doing so well on this cleanse, so instead of heading to DQ for a Peanut Buster Parfait, I went to Old Navy yesterday. This was after my grocery store shopping adventure. I needed to run into Ulta, and low and behold, Old Navy is right next door. I had seen the ads on TV all week, so I thought I would take advantage of a inexpensive bathing suit- (and it would go easy on my weekly allowance allotment) :). I found the cutest bikini, so I bought it. I also bought Fred a new swimsuit, so it made it look good and justify why I was at Old Navy in the first place. LOL. So, today, my plan was to just chill poolside with my H20, some fruit, my magazines that I need read, and enjoy my afternoon. Fred had just left for band practice, so it was just me and the pups. I had some friends coming over later in the afternoon, so it was just a date with me, my floatie and Mr. Sunshine. Note: Lupus patients are not to be in the sun. This is the one thing that the Doctors are not taking away from me. I have been a sun-worshipper since I could put iodine in my baby oil at the Fredonia pool and bake like salmon on the pool deck. So, my floatie was already in the pool, so I reached down to grab it and "POP!"- my bottom of my bikini just busted- and like that, my "muffin" (for those that watched SNL last week) was exposed for the world to see. HOLY SHIT BALLS! (no holy crap balls on this one)- wardrobe malfunction at my own pool! OMG! What if this would have happened with my friends over? I would have NEVER lived it down, and I (as well as them) would have been traumatized for life. Now, for someone that is going through a cleanse, a little overweight and a little self-conscious, this was not a good thing to happen for my self-esteem. I thought I looked pretty darn good in that bikini and then this happened. F---in Old Navy and their cheap ass stuff! So I drop the floatie, grab my dangling bikini bottom, swearing like a sailor all the way inside to switch wardrobes- boring. My old swimsuit. Sigh. I was so pissed- and bummed! Not to mention, the dogs had no idea what was going on. Bogey ran and hid, and Morgan followed me into the bedroom, wagging his tail- just because he can. So much for a relaxing day at the Fahrenbruch pool. I did a couple magazines read before friends showed up- you know I had to tell them the story. I think they were glad this happened before their arrival. Whew! I am heading back to Old Navy after I post this. Stay cool and gals, check your bikini for any malfunctions before wearing. Good Night and "Donadagohvi"- (Good-bye in Cherokee)
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Day 20-Weekly visit to my redneck Kroger
I love grocery shopping. "BC" (before the cleanse), I would go down every frickin aisle just to see all the yummy goodies and if I had any coupons I could clip. I was crazy about coupons. (still kinda am). You can't exactly find my "cleanse powder" or coupons for chicken, salmon and sweet potatoes. Sure, all the healthy stuff you have to pay full price for, but hey, a box of ho ho's, you bet I could find a 50 cent off coupon for those puppies. Man, I can honestly say I don't miss those days. My grocery list has decreased considerably: chicken breasts, hummus, lettuce, toilet paper (I am still taking poops- this will never go off the weekly grocery list), gluten-free orange sicles (these are the BOMB! but highway robbery- $4.99 for three frozen fricken bars), Ezekiel bread, shrimp, and healthy protein bars. I go to my favorite farmers market "Three Peas and A Pod" for my sweet potatoes, sweet corn, pears and tomatoes. My what 20 days of cleanse shakes and healthy livin' make. I was spending over $100 on groceries and today I only spent $48 bucks! Hail Mary full of grace! And my ticket at the veggie stand was ten bucks. Holy crap balls! Just in alcohol alone, you know how much I am saving? Craziness!! Fred's happy too. You see, I am on a weekly allowance because I am still learning at 38 how to save. LOL. But grocery shopping is like hitting the mother load because this is a non-allowance spendature. So this to me is like going to Phipps Plaza and buying a new pair of shoes and an outfit to match. I think this "healthy and boring grocery store shopping" is going to stick after the cleanse too (can you believe this will all be over in 8 days?). I am going to go on "Body for Life" and gradually add back some foods to see if they trigger any lupus flares and also incorporating cardio and weight lifting. My God, am I turning into a health nut?? Will red meat be eliminated from my diet? How will I tell my Dad? Will he write me out of his Will if I write off steaks, hamburgers and bacon? OMG- I am talking craziness now! Maybe my helmet was a little too tight on my Harley excursion. Usually I could say, "it's the booze talking" but I haven't had a drink in 20 days- OMG! I am in rehab! That's what this is-- what if I never want to have a beer or a glass of wine again? I have to stop talking this nonsense! Did someone slip me a roofie at the Hibachi restaurant? I need to go have a glass of water and think all this through. Then I will have my gluten and dairy free orange sicle bar. LOL. :) Good Night Friends!! Mattae Sigona! (Good bye in Kannada- whatever the hell language that is)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Day 19- "Please mark the appropriate box"
I thought I would be celebrating getting into the single digits of this cleanse. But today, I realized (or it jumped up and slapped me in the face) that I am a statistic. I wanted to treat myself since I have been religiously following this cleanse, losing weight and feeling great. So, as I was driving home yesterday, I noticed a new spa opened by my house in Snellville. Hey! I will go get a 30 minute massage! This week has been a killer at work and my neck and shoulders were tiii- ight! So I called and got an appointment for after work today. I was so excited! So I walk in and everyone was very pleasant. "Ma'am, (I hate it when they call me Ma'am- geez, I'm not 60! I know...I know...I'm in The South, but dude, that's what I called my Grandma- oh wait, I am a grandma! Shit. I guess they can call me this...) back to the story: "Ma'am, I need you to fill out some paperwork since this is your first time here." No problemo. I can do that. So I am filling out the "standard" form and then BAM! Right there, for the first time, I had to check a box I have never checked before. The font started to look bigger to me. Please check the following boxes if you or any of your family members have the following chronic disease(s): Wow. This hit me like a ton of bricks. The color ran out of my face. And there it was- ready for me to check the box: Lupus. Welp, better get used to it. I have a dermatologist appt. on Tuesday so I am sure it's on their paperwork too- or better yet, they will have to ask me, "Ma'am, (there's that Ma'am B.S. again)"is there anything that has changed with your medical history?" Great. So, back to my Spa Day. So I checked the Lupus box along with my gall bladder surgery and the infamous surgery of 1989: my tumor and sternum removal (I can talk more about that surgery in future blogs- it's a doozie and a life changer too). So I signed my HIPAA form, and gave all the paperwork to the receptionist. Ok, no big deal. I cleared that hurdle. So I am checking my FB on my blackberry in the waiting room and Fred calls me asking where I keep the electric knife- are you kidding me? I am doing a Spa afternoon and you want to know where the frickin electric knife is? He's cutting some turkey for dinner- ok- I will let this one go. This is great because across the waiting room is a burly harley dude and he's now intrigued by my phone conversation so I make it interesting for him, "it's by the saran wrap and the aluminum foil, right next to the dog treats and my protein shakes". Harley dude looked away. I knew he wasn't domestic. :) But what happens next is what ruffles my feathers. My massage gal grabs my paperwork from the receptionist. She is looking through my paperwork, AND THEN, has the nerve to uncomfortably LOOK AT ME, back at the paperwork, and then walks into an office where a Doctor is and shuts a door that says PRIVATE! WTF???? What is going on? What was on that paperwork that made her look at me in a way that if she gave me a massage that I was going to secrete lupus juice all over her? What were they talking about behind closed doors? Ok, so maybe I was a little paranoid. But come on! Don't do that in front of a insecure patient that just had to mark the "lupus box" for the first time. So after what seemed like 10 minutes (but it was only 2), she came back out, smiled and said, OK, I'm ready. Ok-- great. But...the Melissa that you all know and love wasn't going to let her get the best of me- hell-to-the-no! (remember...I'm a competitor). So...(you are all going to love this- because see, I have been plotting my next move since they went into their "private gossip room") my massage lady, comes over to greet me and says, "Hi, I am Kristen and I will be giving you a massage today." Here it comes- so I say, with a straight face, "Hi my name is Melissa, but my friends call me Malupus." Ha Bitch! Bazinga! Oh how I would have loved to have my camera with me to see the look on her face as well as the receptionist. Now, this is true two-fold: yes, I said that, and yes that's a nickname my good friend Cindi gave me. She gave that too me when I first found out I had lupus. I was down and out and we have this relationship that humor has to be a part of everything. And that's how I cope sometimes as well. She coined it and has called me that ever since- along with Malupusalopagus. Love it! Well, my massage therapist, gave an uncomfortable smile and we went into the room. Now, she was either going to rub the hell out of my back and kill me by popping some muscle or it was going to be the best neck and shoulder massage I have ever got. I got the latter. Then I started to feel guilty, but not for long. I never let on that I was curious as to her discussion behind the "private" door. My session ended, I paid and even gave her a tip. You know why? Because she made me that much stronger today because I had to "check that box", plus I felt a little on the defensive side about my disease. (Hell, maybe they were talking about my weight or what insurance I have and not the lupus)- either way, I came out on top and I'm moving on. (I also made an appointment for next month.) LOL. Happy Friday and have a drink for me! 9 more days! 9 more days! Tchau! (Good-bye in Portuguese)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Day 18- "I hear ya!"
You know the "Easy" button for Staples, well, I want to make a button that when you push it, it says, "I hear ya!". For some reason I feel in love with this saying today. It actually got me through today. I am draggin and in a pissy mood. (They used to call me "Pissy Missy"- wait, I think they still do) And I owe this brilliant saying to my colleague Pete. (Yes, Pete for those of you that work with me). We were in a meeting this afternoon, (one of I think 7 I had today) and we were talking about when someone comes up to you and starts bitchin and moanin' - what does Pete do when someone does this to him? He chimes right in with them, nodding his head and says, "I hear ya!". LOVE IT! It makes them think you are right there listening to them, but in reality, you are saying, "shut up and get the hell away from me"- or "I hear ya"- interpretation: "stop bugging me and go away". Sorry Pete if I ratted you out here. LOL
But I am using this saying solely for myself today. Because watch out...I think it's PMS time- interpretation: "Prepare for Melissa Syndrome". :) I am really tired, grumpy and HUNGRY today. I needed this saying when I woke up this AM- here's how I could have used this saying today.
But I am using this saying solely for myself today. Because watch out...I think it's PMS time- interpretation: "Prepare for Melissa Syndrome". :) I am really tired, grumpy and HUNGRY today. I needed this saying when I woke up this AM- here's how I could have used this saying today.
- Third time I hit the snooze and Fred is pushing me out of bed: "I hear ya!"
- The car that I buzzed around this AM in rush hour traffic and he honked at me: "I hear ya!"
- My stomach growling: "I hear ya!"
- My lupus triggering a mini-flare in my right wrist today: "Dammit, I hear ya!"
- My heavy eyelids in my 4th meeting today: "I hear ya!"
- For some reason, craving my mom's homemade chocolate chip cookies: "I HEAR YA!"
- Morgan barking at Bogey because he has his squeaky toy: "I hear ya buddy!"
- My stomach growling again: "I hear ya"
So you catch the drift- this could be a drinking game when I am off the wagon! It's kinda like in my favorite Thursday night show, The Office, when someone says a funny line and someone jumps in and finishes it with, "that's what she said!". I love stupid stuff like this. Beats playing slug bug, or beer pong.
Any whoo, now if I accidentally say this to you, don't think that I mean it. I will probably forget that I like this saying by Monday. But for today, it's mine and I HEAR YA! Have a great night! I am off to consume a yummy chicken breast, rice and corn on the cob and then onto my Hog for a night ride with Fredly. Until tomorrow..... Zai Jian (Good-bye in Chinese, Mandarin)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Day 17- In search of a publisher??????
Am I nuts? Ok, maybe you all are stroking my ego. Thank you to all my "fans" (this is kinda cool- maybe I need to start a lupus posse') that have enjoyed my blogging to date. Some of you have even said I need to write a book- seriously? And when would I have time for that? :)Actually, part of this cleanse routine and by and not eating food, is to sit my cottage cheese ass (it is shrinking by the way) in my office chair and type a daily blog and not eat. Also, I have had so much fun blogging (and a little fear has set in).... that I found myself asking the question, "Melissa, what are you going to do after the 28 days of your cleanse?" Reality is gonna set in and the training wheels will be off- will I drive straight over to Johnny's Pizza on May 24th and load up on garlic knots and Blue Moon? (God, does that sound good)- or will I be so scared (and healthy, mind you), that I will turn into a health nut and go to Johnny's and order a grilled chicken salad- and maybe a glass of vino. You know what's weird? I'm not craving a block of cheese or a snickers or a bag of salt and vinegar chips. Good God, what was I putting in my body? All these questions and thoughts have been running rampid in my noodle today. You all have actually been a support system for me. I know that I have to blog everyday. And if I screw up, the whole web world will know. Then my competition kicks in (you know that on my StrengthsFinder that "Competition" is my #1 strength-- surprise, surprise) and then my stomach starts craving SWEET CORN and TOMATOES and this afternoon I wanted a TURKEY BURGER! What the hell? What is going on with my body? Then after the 28 days, I will have to say goodbye to my cleanse shakes. What? My BFF of liquids? You stole me away from my barley beer buddies. They have stopped calling and texting me. Even "pinot noir" won't return my calls. LOL. Sorry, I got off track there...back to this writing thing on a regular basis. So, during lunch today, I Googled "Publishers"... and got a zillion hits. So I just took a stab at one, sent an inquiry email and sent them my blog link and BAZINGA! David, from XXX Publishing Company emailed me back and read my blog- he wants the full blog emailed to him after my 28 days! Well, kiss my grits David! Now how, do I know it's not a scam? That's where I am going to need some help here. I am a big time Virgin in this arena. I am not your typical book writer, for that matter a blogger- ha! So any advice or "hook ups" on my my next steps here, feel free to send em my way. I will pursue this and see what happens. First and foremost is my blogging for my buddies and keeping you up to date on this cleanse, my lupus and God help us all, (drum roll please) starting June 1 after the cleanse (I am giving myself a week to regroup) my new diet and exercise program. What? What am I writing? I haven't even talked to my feet or my legs or my arms about this! A workout program? See, I think those cleanse shakes are doing tricky things with my mind. For example, I made a clear, sound decision at work that normally I wouldn't and got commended for it today. Huh? Me? Also, I floated around the hallways today like I was happy and my body was feeling the best it has in years. (Oh wait, Bridget told me I looked thin and 28- God love her!) No really, I am feeling better- and I would encourage anyone that has had a hard time getting over that "hump" to make a lifestyle change, to talk to me. I am the one, the poster child, who would watch Oprah, Dr. Oz, the Today show, one (and only one) episode of the Biggest Loser, get inspired for probably an hour, and then go back to the couch or run to the refrigerator. I know now I can do this- both for the lupus and for my overall health. Are you on Team Melissa? :) Until tomorrow my friends! Tot ziens (Good-bye in Dutch)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Day 16- "Strength"
Yes, I changed my blog pic- just for today (depends if you all like it- I might keep it up a few days). Today I thought I would blog about my tattoo and also how my husband (my wonderful husband), Fredly, came about getting the same tattoo. Grab your box of kleenex- this is going to be a sentimental post today. I decided to do this one today, because really, nothing out of the ordinary or funny really happen to me today on the cleanse. Well, there is one thing and then I will talk about the "tats". So I was eating some of my leftover chicken fajitas and veggies in my NEW EZEKIEL TORTILLA WRAP for lunch in my office, (it wasn't as sensual as my banana yesterday- that was so Lindsey Lohan ago) and man did I need to "toot" something bad. I think it was the beans from last night. So, forgetting my surroundings AND forgetting that our new project officer just started her first full day in the office across from my office (it had been vacant, so I have been able to fart in my own little world for the past few weeks)- I let one rip. Oops. She probably thinks I am a class act. Oh well. It was a little squeaker, so she probably didn't notice. (Don't sit there and tell me you have never farted in your own office!) LOL.
Ok, ok, back to the tattoos. The symbol is the Japanese symbol for STRENGTH. I had found this symbol about a year ago and at some point, my third tattoo (yes I have 3) was going to be the symbol for strength. But I needed to accomplish something (this was my own personal goal) before I would allow myself to get tatted up again. Well, I had set a goal to lose 25 pounds and then I could get the tat. Well, the weight loss thing wasn't going well, because I was tired and I ached all the time= LUPUS diagnosis. When I was diagnosed with Lupus on March 16th, instead of crying and being a pouty baby (I was for a few hours by the way), I said to myself "screw it". I need strength now more than ever. That's it! I can get my tattoo for my own self support. So Fred, who had accompanied me to my doctor's visit earlier that morning, went off to the radio station and I went off to Coolhand Tattoos. The gal that did my tattoo, Holly, (who is now one of our dear friends and her fiance', Chris who is the shop owner and ended up doing Fred's tattoo) knew nothing about my diagnosis when I walked in. We started with small chit chat, told him about my husband being a DJ, yada, yada, yada and BAM! in 20 minutes the tat was done. I felt alive. I have something to live for and I can look at this symbol and know that when I am in pain(my pain is the most severe in the wrist where I got the tattoo) that it will pass and I am stronger than this Lupus.
Sooo....I was on travel in San Francisco, gee, almost a month ago and my husband was sneaky. He had planned all along to show support for me by getting the same tattoo on the same wrist that I got my tattoo. He waiting til I was out of the ATL area (and radio airwaves)- doesn't he know I can stream online? LOL. He talked about getting this tattoo on his show all week. (and told people to keep it a secret from me- and they did) He had the gals in the studio crying, callers calling in crying, etc. I don't know what he said, but I bet I would have been crying too. He is my best friend and the best husband in the whole world! So off he went to Coolhand Tattoos to have Chris do his tat. Chris heard the whole "bit" on the radio and all the dudes in the tat parlor were also tearing up. (my goodness). So to make a long story short, Fred got his tat and then it took me a day and a half after my return from San Fran to notice that he got the tattoo (wow... I am so in tune with my surroundings- LOL). I was so surprised- and I got teary eyed too. So that is the story of the wrist tattoos. Pretty damn cool. So that's the story- hope you liked it. Who knows what my next tat will be-- maybe a banana? Ha! Farvel! (Good-bye in Danish)
Ok, ok, back to the tattoos. The symbol is the Japanese symbol for STRENGTH. I had found this symbol about a year ago and at some point, my third tattoo (yes I have 3) was going to be the symbol for strength. But I needed to accomplish something (this was my own personal goal) before I would allow myself to get tatted up again. Well, I had set a goal to lose 25 pounds and then I could get the tat. Well, the weight loss thing wasn't going well, because I was tired and I ached all the time= LUPUS diagnosis. When I was diagnosed with Lupus on March 16th, instead of crying and being a pouty baby (I was for a few hours by the way), I said to myself "screw it". I need strength now more than ever. That's it! I can get my tattoo for my own self support. So Fred, who had accompanied me to my doctor's visit earlier that morning, went off to the radio station and I went off to Coolhand Tattoos. The gal that did my tattoo, Holly, (who is now one of our dear friends and her fiance', Chris who is the shop owner and ended up doing Fred's tattoo) knew nothing about my diagnosis when I walked in. We started with small chit chat, told him about my husband being a DJ, yada, yada, yada and BAM! in 20 minutes the tat was done. I felt alive. I have something to live for and I can look at this symbol and know that when I am in pain(my pain is the most severe in the wrist where I got the tattoo) that it will pass and I am stronger than this Lupus.
Sooo....I was on travel in San Francisco, gee, almost a month ago and my husband was sneaky. He had planned all along to show support for me by getting the same tattoo on the same wrist that I got my tattoo. He waiting til I was out of the ATL area (and radio airwaves)- doesn't he know I can stream online? LOL. He talked about getting this tattoo on his show all week. (and told people to keep it a secret from me- and they did) He had the gals in the studio crying, callers calling in crying, etc. I don't know what he said, but I bet I would have been crying too. He is my best friend and the best husband in the whole world! So off he went to Coolhand Tattoos to have Chris do his tat. Chris heard the whole "bit" on the radio and all the dudes in the tat parlor were also tearing up. (my goodness). So to make a long story short, Fred got his tat and then it took me a day and a half after my return from San Fran to notice that he got the tattoo (wow... I am so in tune with my surroundings- LOL). I was so surprised- and I got teary eyed too. So that is the story of the wrist tattoos. Pretty damn cool. So that's the story- hope you liked it. Who knows what my next tat will be-- maybe a banana? Ha! Farvel! (Good-bye in Danish)
Monday, May 10, 2010
Day 15- I never knew a banana could taste so good!
Ah, to be back in food paradise- it's even healthy food paradise but who the hell cares! And the first item up for consumption- my mid-morning snack, Mr. Banana. (ewww...get your heads out of the gutter)- I just typed that and it doesn't mean what it really means. But I am going to keep this in the blog just to make you giggle. Hell, I'm giggling right now as I type. LOL . I am sure if you were passing by my office you would have thought I was pulling a million dollars out of my snack bag. This glow illuminated my office as I sat the partially ripe (a little green- love em that way- can't do a mushy banana) jewel on my desk. I looked around to make sure no one was going to snag it from my desk; should I close my door? Is this banana going to give me that much pleasure that someone will think it's a remake of "When Harry Met Sally" at the cafe, right here in my office? No, come on- I work for the Federal Government! LOL. I couldn't take it any longer- no more foreplay. I took the banana and began to peel it one sliver at a time with a surgeon's precision. I could smell the yumminess (yes, I know that isn't a word). The first bite was heavenly- sensual. Enough of this...I ate the whole damn thing in less than 30 seconds. Just like that- boom- done. What now? Should I go outside and smoke a cigarette after this little fling that I had with the banana? But it's gone- a one morning stand. Oh well. He didn't even leave a number for me to call him. And I am excited and this emotionally attached to this banana- what the hell is wrong with me??? Oh well, I suddenly forgot about my Mr. Banana; I then got to have a nooner with a half a cantaloupe and salad with turkey and then a mid-afternoon delight with a red bartlett pear. YUM-EE! Tonight: Fred and I are celebrating my successful 3-day fast with some grilled chicken fajitas with veggies, no tortillas. What a great day!! Hey, maybe I need to call Isabella Rossellini and see if I could do a spin-off of her show on Sundance, "Green Porno"- I could do the same with food- no, I am going to pass- I will stick to blogging. :) Paalam (Good-bye in Filipino)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Day 14- The Halfway Point
Today was a better day. No melt downs. :) (yay). I am telling you, if you ever decide to do a cleanse, have a "buddy". Going Hans Solo is not the way to go. Just having Fredly around today was so helpful. Staying busy (and sleeping in) also helped too. This is not only Mother's Day, but it marks the halfway point of this cleanse. I am also happy to say that at weigh in this morning, I have now lost a total of 9 lbs. (yay again). That is also making the day go better as well. Fred and I also went on 3 (yes 3) different Harley rides; one this AM, one for lunch and then an after-shake dinner ride. 95 miles on the bike today and zero stops for food or our usual stop DQ. We also power washed the covered patio and did a little weed pullin' in the backyard. Of course we had to stop and watch the end of the Players Championship, and now to watch some TiVo'd shows from last week. You know what else I get to do tonight? PACK A LUNCH AND 2 SNACKS for tomorrow! Holy crap balls! I have never been so excited to pack a lunch for work. The next 14 days it's back to one breakfast shake in the morning and food the rest of the time. Food- what a beautiful word. I never knew there was another four-letter word that I like saying as well (you can let your minds wander on some of my other favorite four-letter words) :)
Thank you to all of you for the notes of support, texts and phone calls after my post last night. I cannot thank you all for your kinds words and encouragement. It means the world to me (it's even more important than wedding cake, runzas and cheese dip) :) Hugs to all, especially the moms out there. Au Revior (Good-bye in French)
Thank you to all of you for the notes of support, texts and phone calls after my post last night. I cannot thank you all for your kinds words and encouragement. It means the world to me (it's even more important than wedding cake, runzas and cheese dip) :) Hugs to all, especially the moms out there. Au Revior (Good-bye in French)
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Day 13- I want food!!
I won't sugar coat it. Today was a REALLY HARD day. Yesterday, was tough, but today was really hard. I don't know what detox or rehab is like, but I feel like I am going through it today. No, I don't have the shakes and I'm not in the backyard smoking, but man, I NEED SOME FOOD! I am tired of shakes, I am tired of water. I want TO CHEW ON SOMETHING! I did everything I could to stay busy today: Went to Grower's Outlet and bought some flowers, took my left over garage sale junk to the the thrift store, got my toes painted, laid out by the pool, read 5 magazines and started a book and watched the Players Championship. I can't get my mind off food! It all came to a meltdown at 6:05pm. Fred had 2 radio remotes and was gone all day today, so I was doing this Han Solo today. I was so happy to see him come through the door and get a hug of support- but then, something set me off. He rushed to the refrigerator and grabbed 2 cold pieces of pizza from last night because he hadn't had anything to eat all day (join the club amigo)- He bit into his first bite and I started crying. Sobbing. "What's wrong?", he said. Between sobs and my crying voice, I say, "I (sob) just (sob) want to (sob) eat something!". Oh boy. I bet he was happy to be home. But I could tell in his eyes he really felt for me. "Poop, (Fred's nickname for me...how convenient since I talk about poop in this blog- LOL) you are doing great. I know I sure as hell couldn't do this. You have one more day to go and you are back to food." Yeah, one more day. Good God, what is tomorrow going to be like? Sorry for the short and "sweet" blog this evening, but I gotta go find something to do. I just got back from Fred's band practice with his new "boys"- I took some pics and it got me out of the house for awhile. But, driving home, I was like Rain Man- I was reading every food billboard, every grocery store sale sign, "Ground Sirloin $2.99/lb., Peaches, $4.99/bag"- even the restaurants I've never been in nor cared about looked enticing. Gezz... One more day of this, one more day. What I would give to chew on a piece of Ezekiel bread right now. Hell, I'd have a bowl of ham and beans right now- (for those of you that don't know- I HATE HAM and BEANS)- but I would eat anything right now. I'm visualizing Morgan with a hot dog bun around his waist. I better pop in a movie or better yet, just go to bed. Morgan, you might want to snuggle with Fredly tonight. Night folks. (Aloha- good-bye in Hawaiian)
Friday, May 7, 2010
Day 12- Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus
I can smell the pizza from here. I am locked in my office typing my blog for today and Fred is eating sausage and cheese pizza with the neighbor kids, Angus and Mallory who we are watching this evening while their parents go to the Van Morrison concert. Today is a celebration of "little gifts"- and the smell of that greasy, great looking pizza that is sitting on marble counter is one of those gifts. No, I can't and won't have a slice but the gift of the scent of cheese and bread is music to my senses. What a food to be dangled in front of me as I come to the end of day one of three of hell.
Here are some other little "gifts" I got early this year- (Santa is watching...and I've been a darn good girl today!)
1. Chocolate cleanse shakes- they have saved my life and are going to help me through the 3 days of cleanse shakes only and no food (yes, no food). I have NEVER gone w/o food- Hell, I never gave anything up for lent before. Maybe I should have to prepare me for this 72 hour nightmare.
2. No wrist pain, ankle pain or feeling tired- my lupus medication is really working and combined with this cleanse, I haven't felt this good in a long, long, time.
3. Angus. This afternoon I had the fun 1-1 time of just "Angus and Mel" - Mallory went over to play at a friends house and it was just me and the little man. We were swimming our pool, and remember "Ray" from Jerry Maguire? Well, Angus transformed into Ray-
Here are some other little "gifts" I got early this year- (Santa is watching...and I've been a darn good girl today!)
1. Chocolate cleanse shakes- they have saved my life and are going to help me through the 3 days of cleanse shakes only and no food (yes, no food). I have NEVER gone w/o food- Hell, I never gave anything up for lent before. Maybe I should have to prepare me for this 72 hour nightmare.
2. No wrist pain, ankle pain or feeling tired- my lupus medication is really working and combined with this cleanse, I haven't felt this good in a long, long, time.
3. Angus. This afternoon I had the fun 1-1 time of just "Angus and Mel" - Mallory went over to play at a friends house and it was just me and the little man. We were swimming our pool, and remember "Ray" from Jerry Maguire? Well, Angus transformed into Ray-
- "Melissa, did you know Japanese people walk slower than Korean people?" (no, I had no idea, nor have I ever noticed)
- "Melissa, did you know that kids my age lose 144% of their knowledge that they learn during school over the summer?" (so that's what happened to me) :)
- "Melissa, when I was born, did you know I weighed 32 pounds?" (holy shit...Cindi did you know that? (that's Angus' momma)
- This is the best one.... "Melissa, you know that tree in my backyard by Bob's fence?" (Bob is the neighbor between Angus' house and our house)"Well sometimes I go over there behind the tree and pee on his fence." CLASSIC!
- Angus was swimming around on a floatie, and hopped off by one of the jets and yells "HEY MELISSA! THE WATER IS POUNDING ON MY COCONUTS!"- I am telling you I am not making this shit up. This kid is hilarious!!!
- Angus then preceded to pull his swim trunks down under water for his sister when she got back from playing at her friend Megan's house. Mal is now traumatized as am I. I didn't see his "soldier, but Mallory screamed loud enough that we are all glad that we didn't catch a glimpse.
So I have had my 5 shakes today...doing ok, but man, would I love to dive into a piece of pizza. No, I have come this far! Will power!!! It's going to be the big gift at the end of the 28 days that is going to change my lifestyle into a healthy lifestyle. A slice of pizza maybe once a week will be ok; but who knows...maybe I will turn into a health nut, or my taste buds will change and I won't like pizza anymore? NA! :) Arrivederci! (Good-bye in Italian)
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Day 11- "Patience and fortitude conquer all things"
That's what Ralph Waldo Emerson said- well he's dead and I think that a crock of crap. Well Hi everyone! Can you tell I'm in one of those moods today? No, it's not PMS- that's next week- (wait for those blog entries--those are gonna be good I'm sure). :) No, I'm just frustrated today. I need to stay off the scale and not weigh myself everyday. Here I am bustin my ass, not cheating on this cleanse, drinking 4 shakes and one meal a day and I've plateaued on my weight loss. Now, granted, I am feeling the best I have felt in WEEKS (yay), but dammit, I want to lose weight too! I haven't gained any weight, but haven't lost anymore than the 5.5 lbs. reported on Monday. So first thing this AM I wake up excited to jump on the scale- blah! What the heck? Why am I not losing weight. I must have been swearing like a sailor (and loud) because I woke Fredly up. "Chill out"...he yells, "you gotta be PATIENT". (there's that word again). Sigh....so hi ho hi ho it off to work with my pink lemonade frappes I go and my gallon of aqua. As soon as I get to work, I seek out my dietitian/nutritionist colleague and friend. "Why am I not losing weight???", I plea to her. My god, I almost started crying. She assured me everything is OK and to STOP weighing myself everyday. "Your body is probably still in shock that you went cold turkey and its holding on to every nutrient you put in your body", she says "professionally and clinically". Ok, ok...I will take her word for it. Actually a few other friends and colleagues have told me the same thing. But...for those that know me; am I patient? Hahahahahahhaa! Hell no! I want it YESTERDAY! So on my way home, and I've got to stop at the Doctors Office (Scott Chiropractic...yo yo yo- little shout out to Dr. Dave, Dr. Jane, Abagail, Debbie and Patty) to purchase my 3rd 840 gram tub of lip-smacking pink lemonade cleanse powder. I walked in and they all have just ornery grins on their faces- Why? They have my blog up reading it. Ha! Here's the other kicker (actually 2 kickers:) 1. They want to post my blog link on the office facebook page (sweeeeeet) and 2. Dr. Dave asked me to be a guest speaker at his cleanse/weight loss seminar in two weeks! (Ok...now we're talkin). This snaps me out of my non-weight loss funk right then and there. And...then Dr. Jane comes around the corner and says, "you look great! Your skin looks fantastic!". Really? Gimme a mirror. You know my buddy Rebekah told me the same thing yesterday but I thought she was blowing smoke up my ass to make me feel better. Hmmmm... maybe this cleanse thing really is working. So then I go into my whiny spell, "Dr. Dave, I'm not losing weight!" Here comes the quote of the day: "Well your losing something", he says. What my mind? "You may be seeing any loss in pounds, but when we do the full body scan (which I am now getting for free since I'm a guest speaker) you are going to see huge strides in body percent fat, your BMI and your fluid profile" (whatever the heck he just said). Ok, ok, I'm not going to be a baby anymore about this. I gotta suck it up because tomorrow starts my 3 days of hell: 5 shakes and ZERO food! (omg). AND...to top it off, they give me samples of a new cleanse powder and one I think they've been hiding from me: chai tea and CHOCOLATE? Are you kidding me? You had me at "hello" with a chocolate flavored cleanse powder. "Oh no one likes it", Dr. Dave says. I don't care. I gotta try it. The pink lemonade is almost giving me the gags again. So, I say my good-byes, drive home and make me a chocolate shake for my 4:30 happy hour cocktail. WOW! It's UNBELIEVABLE! It's like the cleanse angels dropped from the heavens and made my shake taste like a peanut buster parfait. It's actually yummy. Granted, it's not a chocolate shake from DQ, but this is gonna get me through the weekend. Tomorrow morning I am taking my pink lemonade powder back to the Dr.'s office and exchanging it for my chocolate bliss. Hot damn! Until tomorrow-- Hagoonea' (Good-bye in Navajo)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Day 10- Minor Meltdown
It all started by not wanting to get out of bed this morning. I guess sometimes the lupus thing isn't the best morning person. This put me behind the 8-ball way to early this morning- rushing to shower (and I had to shave my legs and my pits--ugh! I didn't plan for this...) then pills, brush the newly polished teeth (got the teeth cleaned yesterday), dress, makeup, dry hair and hairspray. Whew. Done- Crap! What jewelry to wear today??? I think I put on 5 different arrangements before deciding. OK- get the dogs out to pee, give the pups a treat for peeing outside (and not inside), grab my 4 SHAKES and my gallon of water out of the fridge, grab the work bag and throw it all in car and off to work. Grab one shake for the road out of my bag. Uh oh, as I was unscrewing the lid to my scrumptious shake, I noticed with all the jewelry decisions, I forgot my wedding ring. Swell. I am really late now...make a U-turn at the top of the subdivision hill and head it back to Capella Creek Way. I go flying back into the house and I swear Bogey and Reba jump a foot off the ground-- hmm...wonder what I was about to catch them doing? Find the rings in the dark (not to wake the hubby..but I can hear him mumble under the covers..."what did you forget this time")-- Like I've done this before. Ok, maybe a couple 12 times. LOL. Back into the car. Zoom! Things were going smooth- I am only going to be 15 minutes late to work but then the unthinkable was in front of me at a stoplight. A dude on a moped scooter. Oh God no! I don't know what got me more: a dude (a tatted up dude by the way -in a wife beater shirt, shorts and house slippers--but he was wearing a helmet) on a moped or I knew he was in front of me going 20 MILES AN HOUR and I am still 5 miles away from work! COME ON!!! Do I honk, no...because, as a 2-wheeled rider now myself, I have to respect my fellow brotha on the road. But come on- speed it up! I felt like I was a supporting actor reinacting "Dumb and Dumber". "Turn man, turn!" Nope. "Dammit!" Then we went up hill- oh man I hope Bessie has some juice in her. Nope. Those hamsters they call RPM's in that little motor were huffing and puffing. Now I had a long line of cars behind me- they were honking- (it felt they were honking at me). Ahhhh! This is when I would take a big swig of coffee, but NO, I'M ON THE CLEANSE! I already downed my pink lemonade latte of a shake 10 minutes prior to catching up to Mopedman. He went the whole way to the light where I turn off to go to CDC. Thank goodness! The bad news..I am now 20 minutes late. I fly into the parking lot and wouldn't ya know someone took my usual parking spot. No, we don't have assigned stalls at CDC, but I park in this spot every damn day. Sigh. Oh well, I park next to it. It's not like I have to walk an extra mile to get to the building. THEN.... there is a woman who walks in the door 20 feet in front of me and do you think she waits to hold the door for me? Hell no! The bitch shut the door- a security door mind you and walked right in to the building. Oh man, I'm heated now. I'm ready to go postal on her! (don't piss off a woman on cleanse) I run to the door, scan my badge and run into the building with my shake bag banging against my leg and my other water canteen I have hooked to my work bag banging against my other leg. She darts around the corner before I can catch her. Now what I would have said to her, I don't know- been thinking about it all day- but man, the next time I see her, "SuperCleanseWoman" is not opening the door for her. Touche'. OK, enough of the meltdown. The rest of the day was fine. Drinking 4 shakes and no food, not so much, but I did it. I wasn't hungry, but I sure am looking forward to my turkey sandwich on my FAVORITE Ezekiel bread (do you think they would sponsor me?) and some fresh sweet corn and tomatoes from our favorite farmers market, "Three Pees in a Pod" (you think I could get an endorsement from them??). That's all I got. Happy Frickin Cinco de Mayo- drink a beer for me. Cheers and Shalom (good-bye in Hebrew). Good Night Canada! (my favorite closing to a show- PTI on ESPN. :)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Day 9- Cuatro de Mayo
We celebrated Cinco de mayo a day early and the "cleanse way". (whoopie). Today was day 9 which means for the next three days I have four shakes and one meal a day. (whoopie again). I found that keeping myself occupied and knee-deep in work makes the day go by fast and not enough time to walk by the refrigerator and peek in to see if the food elf dropped a wedding cake on the top shelf- (btw..he didn't- ass wipe) LOL. When I got home from work today, I let the dogs out to "do their business", feed them and go through the mail. I then jumped back in my car and ran errands. You know, shopping could be a bad, bad, thing to keep my mind "focused on the goal at hand"- (at least that's what I am telling Fred if he asked what I went shopping for)- I went to Walgreens, Leslie's Pool & Spa to pick up a hole patch kit (Morgan chewed one of our floaties (my floatie), and the LOFT (my FAVORITE store in the world!)- I saw a cute bracelet last week and no better time to go back and purchase. That's my excuse that is isn't an impulse buy. By the time I got home, I checked email, checked my Facebook and then sat outside by the pool and drank my 4th shake of the day. Fred arrived shortly after downing the pink lemonade happy hour drink of choice and I suggested we ride the Harleys to our favorite mexican restaurant, Correlejos. We love this place- remember me talking about rolling in cheese dip with jalapenos in an earlier blog? This is the place. But it's also the place where I am going to test my cleanse super powers. So we hop on the Hogs and off we go. Again, when I ordered a water, they did a double take-- (I know..so I like my beer--) had to tell them my cleanse story and then I didn't even open the menu. I was afraid I would drool all over the inside of the menu and then they wouldn't let us sit in our favorite booth anymore. "Chicken fajitas with veggies, no tortillas". Wow! I did it!! Of course the owner wants us to come back tomorrow night for Cinco de mayo, but no go for this senorita. I will celebrate in the confines of my homestead visualizing my corona as a pink lemonade shake, hold the "yum". Buenes noches- (Duh...good night in Spanish)
PS: I have to leave you with an email that came across the CDC Parent List Serv today. This is a list serv for moms, dads, family folks (and goobers like me) to talk family/kids stuff-- I subscribe because they do a "Free for all Friday" and people buy and sell everything!! I've got some good deals from this list serv- but sometimes, people post some of the zaniest things...take this email from Jane:
"Ok, I don't think I can handle poop in the underwear anymore. My son will be 3 in a few days and has been wearing underwear for two months. He's doing great at the #1, but the #2 is a different story! He goes to a corner or under a table and poops regardless of the rewards/bribes/or threats. The first time he pooped in his underpants at daycare, they threw the underwear away. After losing 2 pairs in a week (these are expensive devils) and knowing he poops his pants regularly, I stopped them from throwing them away and to just bag them and I would wash them at home. But it gets VERY nasty after sitting in a bag all day, and I am done washing poopie pants- so any suggestions? Thanks- Jane
OK Jane...I have so many things I want to say to you...but I guess I won't bitch or talk about my poop anymore. At least I'm not popping a squat under my desk at work or pulling over on 1-85 with a sock in my hand....enough said. I know....it's a poop thing but it's not about me and I had to share!! Night everyone!!
PS: I have to leave you with an email that came across the CDC Parent List Serv today. This is a list serv for moms, dads, family folks (and goobers like me) to talk family/kids stuff-- I subscribe because they do a "Free for all Friday" and people buy and sell everything!! I've got some good deals from this list serv- but sometimes, people post some of the zaniest things...take this email from Jane:
"Ok, I don't think I can handle poop in the underwear anymore. My son will be 3 in a few days and has been wearing underwear for two months. He's doing great at the #1, but the #2 is a different story! He goes to a corner or under a table and poops regardless of the rewards/bribes/or threats. The first time he pooped in his underpants at daycare, they threw the underwear away. After losing 2 pairs in a week (these are expensive devils) and knowing he poops his pants regularly, I stopped them from throwing them away and to just bag them and I would wash them at home. But it gets VERY nasty after sitting in a bag all day, and I am done washing poopie pants- so any suggestions? Thanks- Jane
OK Jane...I have so many things I want to say to you...but I guess I won't bitch or talk about my poop anymore. At least I'm not popping a squat under my desk at work or pulling over on 1-85 with a sock in my hand....enough said. I know....it's a poop thing but it's not about me and I had to share!! Night everyone!!
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