Day 4- "Oh My..."

What an afternoon. From noon-4:00pm I had to panel a voting objective review for work. These are funding announcements that state health departments apply for and CDC employees review the applications and then score them and eventually they are awarded grant monies. There is a primary, secondary and tertiary reviewer.

So here we were at the Marriott in our little reviewer panel room, all 9 of us (there are 4-5 rooms of reviews going on at the same time) and the Chair of the panel is MIA! Now, if it wasn't for the email that she sent the day before STRESSING to be sure to be there at least 15 minutes before the panel started, and she isn't THERE! The nerve. That crap chaps my ass faster than a, well, I don't know what, but it sure pissed me off. So about 12:20, she comes waltzing in ready to go. Geez, louise. Well, my state review was first out of the gate and BAM! we were done with ours and we rocked the house. But, we had 4 more states/territories to panel and listen to. So for the rest of the 3 1/2 hours, I have to "professionally" and "attentively" listen to the other panelists read their state applications. Now the way it's supposed to go is the primary reviewer takes the most time, then the secondary and tertiary reviewers add any pieces the primary reviewer missed. WOULDN'T YOU KNOW...there are the following panelists every time:
-The "I'm not the primary reviewer but, I am going to take as much time as the primary reviewer, because I like to hear myself talk" (I wanted to punch her in the face)
-The "I'm a smarty pants "somethin-somethin-ologist" and I am going to critique their evaluation measures and debate the voting score of everyone at the table.." Lord.
-The "I'm a new employee and I'm going to read this like it's a novel"- For real? Sit your ass, down missy and shut your pie hole.
-The veteran panelists that know the drill, say their peace, don't contradict any of the application, vote and get it on down the road.
There are others, but in the essence of time, you get the picture. So for four hours, we all worked as a team and successfully completed the panel.

Well, when it was time to hand in my applications to the lead officer, I went to grab them out of my bag and CRAP. My tupperware of cantaloupe leaked all over my applications!! Crap. Crap. Crap. What am I going to do? Well, I did what any other panelist would do...I hid my applications under the gals next to me and then handed in the whole pile and got the heck out of there. :) Bazinga!!! I am so bad. Lord please forgive me.

But the best part of the day happened in the ladies room when I was leaving. Since I had a long commute home from this hotel, I figured I had better make a potty stop. Well, at the same time our panel was dismissed, another conference at the hotel was on a break and they were all out in the hallway and also taking potty breaks. Lucky for me, there was an empty stall. I just wanted to do my business and get out of there and on the road. Well, I noticed there were several ladies following me into the bathroom that had on suit, skirt, hose...they were all dolled up for whatever conference there was. BUT.. this is awesome. One of those prissies, went in the stall next to me and let out the BIGGEST and DEEPEST FART. Man, her panty hose must have had her all bound up. After the fart though, was the best- some other lady (I swore it was the gal sitting next to me in the panel)- yells, "Oh MY!". I bust out laughing. I hurried up, flushed, washed my hands and got the hell out of there. Classy ladies, classy.