Crazytown

I love grocery shopping. Fred thinks I’m on crack, but I do, I really do. And I’m not any grocery shopper. I plan my weekly menus at home and then I clip my coupons, write out my grocery list and then watch out~ I get jazzed when I know it grocery store day. My heart rate jumps as soon as I get in the parking lot. Get me to my shopping cart, dammit! Today was a little different. Is it a full moon? I dunno, but the wack-a-doodles were definitely out today. It also may be that now that we are on a tighter budget, I now go to where all the crazies go; WalMart Supercenter! (oh yeah).

So this afternoon, I grabbed my reusable grocery bags, my coupons and my grocery list and off to Crazytown I went. On my way to Wallyworld, the traffic was HORRIBLE! What the hell, is it Black Friday and I slept through it? Everyone was out- and guess what? They were all turning into my shopping center. (notice I said “my”) I found a pretty good parking spot (I like to get next to where you return the carts) and off I went.

Man, there were some interesting people today at the grocery store. Why is everyone so mad? I was in the veggie section and I needed carrots- this stingy old bag of a woman was just looking at the lettuce and I so I saw my opening and went between her and the lettuce. From the look I got from her, it was like I stole her purse. Geez. Then there was another set of old baguettes in the frozen section. All I wanted was to get my veggie steamers- oh hell no- they were hogging that frozen door and would not move. So I stood there, now impatiently, until they saw me and then moved their cart out of the way. What is it? Thanksgiving cooking stress? Every person, I smiled at just had a look on their face that could kill. I mean, come on! Don’t ruin this for me- I love my grocery shopping! I also love watching the 300 pound chicks lined up for the free samples- really? You think you need one more scoop of instant mashed potatoes? Man, I gotta get out of here- there was some “bad mamba jamba” going on today and I didn’t want to be a part of it anymore. (Maybe it was because I was in Loganville- this is an inside joke for all my Georgia homies- they put the “red” in redneck).

So, I got to the checkout area and lane 23 still had her light on and there wasn’t a line! So I put my cart into turbo and raced up to her conveyer belt. I think the checkout lady was trying to close out, but tough shit. Learn to turn your lane light off if you don’t want to check anymore folks out. She was nice, but I could tell I pissed her off. She tried to carry on a conversation about the items I was buying- Why, why do checkout people do this? Why do they need to know why I bought ritz crackers instead of triscuts? Why does she want to know what I am making for Thanksgiving? I didn’t ask for the conversation- this is when I wish my cell phone rings, but no. I have to keep smiling- I am polite. So I pay for my goodies (I saved $28 bucks!) and off I go to the parking lot. As I am approaching my car, I notice this huge white industrial van parked right next to me. Really? This ass hole with the front license plate that says, “Painter” is parked so close to me, if that SOB driving this piece of shit van dinged my beemer, then I am going stay put and kick his ass with the #3 iron I keep in my back seat. And to top it off, he has backed into the stall so his side of the van is the one closest to my car. My blood is boiling at this point. I quickly put my groceries in my trunk and then I am off to see if I see any car dings. Well hell- how could I find any? He was parked so close to me that I had to duck under his door mirror to get into my car. Wow. The bastard is lucky he didn’t leave a mark, because I was gonna leave one if I saw one paint chip mark.

Good God, get me out of Crazytown now! Is this the price I am going to have to pay to save a little cash? Or am I going to have to park in the very last stall just to keep crackhead “painters” from parking next to me? It’s a good thing I am not PMS’ing or someone would have got their jock knocked off today.

Fred is going to be so happy he didn’t go with me today…….
Happy Weekend!