MIA and a new Diagnosis- Are you kidding me?

Hello my friends! My apologies up front; sorry I have been MIA. Haven't been feeling too well, plus I have had dog- ie: Morgan issues. He has pissed me off to the point where I was on an Atlanta miniature dachshund adoption website last week. Yes, I still have Morgan, but the little piss of crap is on double secret probation. (more on that in a blog entry later this week). I've got better fish to fry and to blog about than my insane dog. Are you sitting down? (God, I hope you are if you are reading this blog)- I don't have lupus. Yes, don't adjust your dial and go ahead re-read that previous sentence. I DON'T HAVE LUPUS. But.....BUT....I do have Sjogren's Syndrome (hell I can't even spell this..., but it's pronounced Show-gren), but not lupus. I think. My Doctor thinks. WHAT THE HELL? My head is absolutely spinning. The only Sjogren's I know are the Shogren's that are from Fall River. And, BTW... Russ Shogren, I had the BIGGEST crush on your when I was in grade school. There, I said it. Hottie patottie alert. (God, I hope he doesn't read my blog.) Anyway, back to my news: Should I be jumping up and down and doing cartwheels? I dunno. Still dunno. I wasn't prepared for this news at ALL today. No wonder I can't cry and my eyes are dry- it's because I have Sjogrens (the mucous membranes and moisture-secreting glands of your eyes and mouth are usually affected first — resulting in decreased production of tears and saliva- plus fatigue and joint pain- super duper! Can't wait for this to play out...)

Welp, here's how this all went down: (and this all happened before 10:00 AM EST today. Shit. I barely had a cup of coffee down and I am trying to digest the latest on my medical journey.)

Today was my appointment with my new rheumotologist, Dr. Sutej. (pronounced sue-tesh...like john-tesh) LOL. I had barely plunked my ass in a waiting room chair and started playing my damn dirty bird game on my Droid when they called me back (not to go off on a tangit, but you have to play this game- hilarious AND addictive). Ok...back to my story. Wow! Already a vast improvement from my "other" crackhead doctor and having to wait an hour to get in.

So I get my height, weight, blood pressure taken and I'm good to go. Then a knock at the door and in walks Dr. Sutej. Bonus: He has a South African accent and he's some mighty fine eye candy. So far, so good. (Sorry Fred, but he is, he really is.) Dr. Sutej had me at hello. So, off he went on all his medical questions. It was like playing Jeopardy- except he knew all the answers and I was the really dumb one that shouldn't be on the show. What felt like an hour of Q and A (and by the way...he's a smart ass! I love it- he would flip me crap and I would flip it right back- and he has only known me for 30 minutes.) Anywhoo, after the final round of Jeopardy, he says to me while tossing me the paper gown, "Here ya go, time for you to get into your Dior gown." WHAT? (and really I said, "WHAT?") and he says, "it's time for your examination." I look at him with a crazed look... "What do you mean?" I said. "What part don't you understand?", he says. "Strip it down to your undergarments and I'll be back in a flash". Really? OMG. I just remembered. I don't have matching "undergarments" on today. They aren't even my favorite ones....shit. He's absolutely going to laugh his ass off if he has to take a look at the bra and pantie ensemble I put together today. I had no idea I was going to be "examined" today. I was sweating like a 2 peckered goat. By the time he came back, my palms were sweaty (as well as everything else)- beautiful. So he came back in and his first question was "didn't your other Doctor examine you?". I responded, "no, not like this." He was furious. He went on that he tells all his med students that study under him that if they don't give a patient a gown and do a full examination, then you have basically failed your examination of the patient. I like how he thinks. I am very impressed with Dr. Sutej. So, on with the examination...... asks a few more questions, prods and pricks at my joints, looks in my mouth and then he says, "OK you can get dressed- be back in 2 minutes." So I rush to put my clothes on, and sure enough he was back in less than two minutes. "Are you at least decent so I can come in?"- I love this guy! Too funny- I was still putting my socks on, so I said "sure, come on i--"- I couldn't finish the sentence and he plopped his butt back in his chair. Now, what if I wasn't finished dressing? I don't think it would have mattered to him. So, he looks right at me and says the following:
-You have dry eyes? (yes)
-You have a dry mouth? (yes- would love to say I have a potty mouth, but he's being serious, so I say yes)
-Joint pain? (yes)
-Inflammation in the joints? (yes)
-Fatigue (yes)

There's another symptom that goes along with Sjogrens, but for my males readers, I will save us all the embarrassment and not list it. (PLUS...I don't have it, so rest assured- seriously, I don't- so don't frickin ask me the next time you see me- LOL) Whew! (you can google "symptoms" later and you will understand why I didn't list it.)

Dr. Sutej is not going to officially diagnosis me until I go back in January. He wants to run his own blood work, plus I love what he told me. "Scientist Lady, (this was his smart ass name he came up for me since I work at the CDC), I am not going to diagnosis you today. But what I will say is that you do not have lupus. That was a cop out diagnosis. You have a high probability that you have lupus's cousin (lupus has a cousin?) Sjogren's Syndrome. But.... I want to run every test I can because I have not done my job until I can comfortably and 100% tell you what you have." I love his honesty. But then he says a smart ass comment which was great: "You know, I am not House- (for those of you that watch House, which I do...I totally related to this one)- I don't sleep with my Boss and then come up with some zaney diagnosis to save your life and run 5,000 tests on you to find out what you have."

He does know that it is a chronic disease. And it's auto-immune. He just wants to be sure. Well, I want him to be sure too, dammit. I can't keep changing my blog title. LOL

More to come....until then, study up on Sjogren's like I am tonight, have a dirty martini and welcome me back to blogging. I have a lot to say, so buckle up. (smile)