Day 4- The "Oxygen and Cardboard" Cleanse

That's what a friend of mine referred to my cleanse as today. "Hey Mel, how's your Oxygen and Cardboard cleanse goin?" Pretty clever. She should be a stand-up comedian (inside joke). LOL. OK.... Day 4- Wow! Isn't this over yet? So, I started counting the number of commercials last night during Idol and Modern Family- I had to stop because there was a food or drink commerical every break. No wonder Americans are fatties! (self included). I am so screwed with watching TV the next 23 days. Maybe I will do exercises during commercials- naw, that's too much work, plus I will get sweaty before bed and have to take a shower which will wake me up. Hmmm..... (Mel's self talk to self: "Hey dumbass, why don't you not watch TV at all?" Good call self talk- but it ain't gonna happen.) I can give up yummy food and beverages for this lupus thing, but I sure as hell am NOT giving up my TV time. It's sweeps month for goodness sake!

Plus... I had to up the ante today to two yellow puke pink lemonade-flavored cleanse shakes today. I almost gagged one up this afternoon. Morgan, our little minature dachshund, just sat there and watched me gag. I wonder what he was thinking? "Is Mom going to blow chunks?" Thanks Morgan for the support. One of these scrumptious shakes is OK, but two?? Oh my friends...it gets better. The number of shakes I have to drink are increasing each day of the cleanse. Check this out:
Today and tomorrow: Two shakes a day- ok, ok, I can do this. I am woman...hear me roar!
Day 6 & 8: Three shakes a day- um, excuse me?
Day 9 thru 11: Four shakes a day- WTF??
oh, but wait for it.....wait for it....
Day 12 thru (yes thru) 14: FIVE SHAKES A DAY and NO FOOD- what did I sign up for?
Day 15 thru 28: back to one shake a day

Ok, for those of you that know me (why am I writing that? you are reading this post because you know me...duh!) I am from Kansas. I grew up a meat and potato girl. I don't think I have missed a meal in my life. If I did, I was in bed with the flu or in bed with a hangover (sorry Mom). What am I going to do on days 12 and 14 with 5 icky ass smelling pink lemonade shakes looking me in the eye and I have to ingest them into my tummy? I almost cried when I read this. So I called the Doctor this afternoon to clarify. Yep, only shakes on those days 12-14. Crap balls to the moon! AND....to top it off, they fall on a weekend!!!! Great. Home with a refrigerator. Fredly, bar the door. Man, I wonder if I can take some of my back medication to knock me out for half of the weekend? No, of course not, I have to drink those bile-looking gritty shakes. "They make you full", my doctor says. Screw that. A Big Mac and a super size fry makes me full. A "Hook and Ladder" Firehouse Sub fully engulfed makes me full. BEER makes me full!!!!! Oh man. For those of you checking the calendar to see if you have anything scheduled with me during that time it's going to fall on May 7-9th. Thank goodness it doesn't fall on Cinco de Mayo that's May 5th- wait! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! What was I thinking? Cinco de Mayo falls during the cleanse- to clarify one of my 4 shakes a day cleanse days. Sigh. How am I going to survive without my cheese dip with jalapenos, my yummy cheese enchilada and beef tostada and of course CERVEZA! Ei yi yi. Great planning on my part.
Well, at least I have my cardboard and oxygen to fall back on. :) Have a great evening! Adios!